Dear Annie: Dear Annie: My 90-year-old father has been married to his third wife, who is 85, for nearly 33 years. Between them, they have five adult children: two are his and three are hers.

For their entire marriage, they have relied largely on my father's retirement account to pay their day-to-day living expenses. His wife does not have a retirement account of her own. They also have two homes. One is a summer cottage that was in her family before they married. The other is a winter home they purchased together.

Recently, as they began revising their wills, my father said he wanted things to be handled fairly and lovingly between them and their families. That is when he discovered that his wife, with the encouragement of her children, wants the summer cottage to remain solely in her name and eventually pass only to her children.

My father was deeply hurt. He has lived in and helped maintain that cottage for 33 years. Meanwhile, his retirement savings have been used for both of them over the course of their marriage, and that account has dwindled. The cottage, however, has increased greatly in value. Their winter home has also increased somewhat, and his wife still wants her share of that property, too.

We have tried to talk with her children about how uneven this feels, but they are firm. It seems clear they want to inherit the cottage, even though they have not shared the life my father built there for more than three decades.

Is this kind of conflict common in second and third marriages? Is there anything we can do to help my father feel protected and treated fairly at this stage of his life? — Frustrated and Confused

Dear Frustrated: Yes, this unfortunately is a common and painful issue in second and third marriages, especially when adult children and property are involved. Love may have built a strong foundation for the marriage, but inheritance can bring out the calculators and nit-picking over whom gets what.

Your father needs an experienced estate attorney of his own, not a family debate with people who have a financial interest in the outcome. A lawyer can review ownership, marital rights and whether there are ways to protect him fairly.

A fair outcome does not always have to be an equal one, but after 33 years of building a life together, your father deserves more than feeling invisible.

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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